Parents in Hockey

Recently, Kevin Neeld posted an article on his blog regarding the state of hockey parents. Kevin is someone who I really respect in the hockey strength & conditioning world so I would really suggest checking it out. He highlighted a seminar for USA hockey that featured Brian Burke. I could not have said it better myself regarding the environment that we set up for our kids to play in. It does not facilitate enjoyment of the game and as a result, we are losing more and more kids to other sports. Also, I feel Brian Burke is bang on when it comes to putting kids in different sports throughout the year. This is something that I have always believed in: Young kids should NOT be playing hockey all year round. Not only will they get burned out by playing one sport, but by putting them in other sports it allows them to develop physically and as a person. Kevin's article can be found here: http://www.kevinneeld.com/2011/3-lessons-for-hockey-parents-from-the-nhl

I just recently came across a video of this little hockey player who explains what it is like from a kid's perspective. This is a story about the "magic helmet": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWjBvcfhRX0

Interestingly, when I was growing up and playing minor hockey in Thunder Bay, an article hit the local paper in 1996 describing one parent's disgust with the way that hockey parents handled themselves during their child's game. That parent was my father, and I thought I would share the article with you today. I am so thankful for my parent's take on the game and how, just like Brian Burke, felt that if I felt like talking about the game I could and if I didn't, then I didn't have to. As kids, we all knew when we did something wrong in a game, we didn't need our parents harping at us, turning us off from the game that we thought we loved.

So, I hope the message hits home to hockey parents, especially at this time of year when we get into playoffs. Here's the article my dad wrote to both the editor and then the paper:

Dear Editor,

I’ve written an editorial that I hope your paper will see fit to print because it addresses a very critical situation unfolding in the Minor Hockey loop in Thunder Bay.

I am one who also believes that hockey is the greatest sport ever invented when played properly and for the right reasons, however, the parents of the kids playing right now could very well be responsible for minor hockey dissolving.

I have heard from league officials that they are considering abolishing 11 year old playoffs because of parental abuse of coaches, referees, and players. There is consideration of bringing in off-duty police to keep unruly parents in line during regular season games. A sixteen year old referee was accosted the other night by the parent of a novice-aged player.

Some say it would be best to ban the parents from the arenas altogether but parents will not spend registration money if they are not allowed to watch nor would I turn my kid over to a coach whose credentials I knew nothing about. So, here in lies the dilemma.

Parents need to be reminded that minor hockey is not about them – it’s about the kids and 99.9% of those kids are going to be watching Hockey Night in Canada from their living rooms, not from their seat on the Maple Leafs player’s bench.

I am disgusted and frustrated that unruly mobs of parents are robbing my son of what should be the time of his life. On more than once occasion I have felt like punching a father in the mouth for what he has said, but then, I would become part of the problem instead of the solution.

If one of the guilty parents reads this and changes their conduct for the good you will have done your community a service and my son, for one, will thank you. I read every one of your columns because what you lack in style, at times, you more than make up for in honesty and conviction and you are to be commended.

Sincerely,

Rob Hemsworth

Hockey Madness - By Rob Hemsworth March 14/1996.

Last night I asked my 12 year old son if he could hear the parents yelling from the stands as he sat on the players’ bench across the ice at the Neebing Arena. He responded, “Oh, ya!” and then continued, “but that’s nothing. It’s really bad when we have to skate off the ice to the dressing room. That’s when they swear at us and call us names. Some guys even get threatened!”

When my son left the relative sanity of one of the recreational hockey leagues in the city last year to move to a more skill-oriented, competitive challenge, we were warned that our eyes would be opened to the savagery of “rep” hockey. I took this to mean that the kids would be bigger, faster and stronger than my son was used to, however, I felt confident that, while there would be an adjustment period, his athletic ability would allow him to adapt and compete.

I was correct in my assumption of his ability but the savagery is happening every night in the stands. Referees – some as young as 14 years old – have been verbally assaulted, sworn at, and physically accosted at nearly every game I have attended. I have witnessed countless screaming matches and verbal threats between the parents of opposing teams. Shoving matches have escalated into a few slug fests out in the parking lot and parents and coaches, as well as players have had court action taken against them.

A mother, whose child was on the receiving end of a well aimed elbow, flew into a rage and screamed at the ref to “Open your F_____G eyes. J____S Ch___st are you F_____G blind?” while several children ranging in age of 5-8 years old were sitting or playing only a few feet away. Not that it would have mattered if they were playing at the other end of the rink.

I watched a father chew out his son in the lobby for getting thrown out for hitting from behind. At first, I thought, “Good for you, Dad” as that is a very serious infraction, until the father said, “Next time don’t be so stupid to drill him with the ref watching. Wait til the play goes back up the ice!”

In a conversation with a league official the other night, he told me that this has been the worst year he has ever seen for complaints to the league about abusive coaches, players, inadequate referees and uncontrollable parents. Let’s face it, coaches have fifteen different player personalities to mold together while dealing with fifteen or more sets of parents. The players are only 12 years old trying to play like the professionals their parents are so desperately demanding them to be. The referees are always going to miss calls because of the speed of the game and their youth and inexperience (the players aren’t the only ones trying to hone their skills).

This brings us to the parents. If you are trying to create foul-mouthed, axe-wielding, maliciaous delinquents who abuse every authority, then keep coming to the rink and behaving the way many of you have been all year long. But when you find your kid crying and quaking in his bedroom saying he no longer wants to play hockey, it may be that he was threatened in the parking lot by a parent who was bigger, meaner and more malicious than you.

Please, check your attitudes and especially your egos at the door. That way we’ll develop better athletes and responsible citizens for the future.